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so goodnight, goodnight

as usual, I'll start out with a review against my resolutions...

2015 resolutionsCollapse )

2015 was crazily busy, at work / family / temple-related. i had so many meltdowns that they became a daily occurance, partnering my nights of insomnia or nightmares. I was also sick a lot, which didn't help my emotional instability.

I travelled 11 times in 2015 to 12 places, which means I was out of the country at least once every month in the year except Nov. Tokyo in Jan, SYD in Feb, Manila in Mar, Taipei in Apr, Tokyo in May-Jun, HK in Jul, Tokyo in Aug, SYD/Perth in Sep, Tokyo in Oct, SYD and KL in Dec. These were mostly 2-3 day trips, and they were exhausting.. but I wanted to go to all these trips. Finally managed to meet friends like Joji in Taipei and Karina in Sydney... as well as old friends whom I've not met for awhile in Taipei and Tokyo. Although I didn't manage to visit Kira, she came to Singapore with Leanne, Chris and Ceci ♥ so there was my unofficial goal of getting people to visit me in 2015 - thanks to Takki.

The highlights of 2015 were mostly JE related - Ebi's Early Summer Concert, Kabuki in SG... the Kabuki week was surreal, the way I worked so hard in the day, sort out things / met up with people during lunch, then run to MBS for the evening shows. It felt like I was living in SG in the day and in Tokyo at night. Being able to see Dance Family (sans 4U), Snowman and Takki (!!!!!!) in SG still boggles my mind even now. Everything that happened - actually being able to send flowers, Rasa Sayang with Ikechan, meeting Kira in SG, everything EVERYTHING.. I don't have the words to express myself, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime of experience, and I'm glad I did (almost) all I possibly could to maximise this chance.

Concerts and butais of 2015Collapse )

Mummy fractured her knee and went through an operation in May, and with that incident I became the part time nurse / housekeeper on top of my day job on top of all my temple responsibilities. I felt like I was being pulled apart in 3 different directions with everyone and everything wanting a piece of me. I lost my purpose in life, ability to breathe, time to think... I lost myself. But after my October trip, I was able to recharge, find the bits of myself and piece them together, and restart again.

Although it was a really trying year, it made me feel even more acutely and be even more grateful for all the people in my life who stuck around and didn't let me drown. People who made an effort to meet me, work around my busy schedule without being irritated at how difficult it was, people who were my emotional support.. like how the bff went for weekly drinking sessions with me in the beginning of the year (despite not drinking and just watching me and listening to me complain), my senpai who sat through all my emotional breakdowns (including once when i cried over the phone from SYD or when I almost had an asthma attack and had to use my inhaler halfway through our discussion), Rachel who read my cryptic tweets and asked to meet me during one of my secret Tokyo trips, Aya and J who held me through all my crying and fed me / drank with me / laughed at dumb things together / held me through all my dying...... and the list goes on. Everyone who bothered to reply my miserable tweets to cheer me on and shower me with care, thank you ♥ all of you ♥

2015 was the year of firsts. The first time I sat in business class, first time I worked for a male boss, first time experiencing a proper earthquake, first time having a JE performance in Singapore, the first of my best friends to get married, first (/second/third/hundredth) time I cried at work... but it was also a year of endings, sadness, and then closure. Ikechan left JE, JT left this world, and my senpai transferred out of my department back to Japan. Two of my closest friends decided to fall off the face of the earth. I finally am able to confidently say that I am absolutely over and closed the chapter on my previous relationship (after 4 years, yes).

In this case, I guess 2016 is the year of new chapters, or more appropriately, restart / re-learning? Learn how to love again, to be the person I was before HK changed me, learn to be independent without my senpai supporting me through everything. Learn to make friends again, and learn to let go. Learn how to live and be happy, again. The only way is forward, and I don't want to shuffle at the same spot again, now that I'm starting the chapter of my 30s.

So anyway, for posterity, my 2016 goals

to idealistic resolutions in 2016Collapse )

The one main thing I didn't accomplish in 2015 was to watch Noeru despite my declaration - somehow, it became the year of Ebi again :X this year, I'm really only aiming to watch Traja's Crea (now that Ikechan isn't in JE anymore, I scratched out my original goal to also watch MAD's Crea).. and to see JB again.

Looking forward to 2016~

Tags:

Sep. 7th, 2013

there are days when i feel like a walking husk, incapable of real emotions...

and then old clips like brand new season, now and forever and daybreaker kick me in the gut.

yeah, i can still feel after all.

Week in the Life || Day 7 / 7

Rules

1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

the final spurtCollapse )


Sorry, couldn't do this on Sunday due to various reasons which would've made it angsty.

Am also a little disappointed that it ended on such a flat note.. It's a little more interesting in HK? I wonder if it's a reflection of my life accordingly.

Tags:

Week in the Life || Day 6/7

Rules
1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

almost forgot about this today Collapse )

Tags:

Day in the Life || Day 5/7

Rules
1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

almost 3am and drunk but here goes..Collapse )

Tags:

Week in the Life || Day 4 / 7

Rules
1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

today was really a struggleCollapse )


In other, actual RL stuff... Work kind of sucks. I like being busy and up to my ears in work, but I don't like having yet another layer of authority added above me. And I definitely do not like feeling too lowly-ranked to do anything more than glorified secretarial work shoved over by the new person. This new change is removing my joy at work and new-found pleasure in being given more independence and responsibilities recently.

Tags:

Week in the Life || Day 3/7

Rules
1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

almost too busy to take photosCollapse )

Tags:

Week in the Life || Day 2/7

Rules:

1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

day 2, still holding up...Collapse )

Tags:

Week in the Life || Day 1 / 7

Was inspired by yararanger , thus a last minute decision to start this! Kind of cheating today (I only decided to play at 8pm so..), but it's also probably the most interesting day I'll have up :x

Rules:
1) You must take between 6 & 8 new photos per day
2) Your WitL posts must be consecutive, no skipping days
3) You must post your photos at the end of that day, sometime after the last picture is taken
4) Each photo must have the time taken beneath and a title, with no other explanation

Read more...Collapse )

Tags:

Happy New Year 2013~!

so this is only 5 days late :D am back from japan (unwillingly) but it's ok, i've only a few more months to go before watching ebi's nationwide concert :DDDD

new year resolution is to make this lj less dead - new layout, icons and post more. so well, starting with the easiest... :X

anyway, this trip was really awesome ♥ handled the cold better than expected, managed to see tsukachan and ebi doing desperado on the hamster wheel (!!!!!!), eito concerts were super amazing, and of course meeting friends- pippa, kaji, riikka and romi, rachel, and a grads reunion - and getting to know new people \o/ i really much prefer to travel with people rather than alone when going on fandom trips ._.

staying wit janys, turtle_aya nd later  iceblueaya as fun~ we are crazy eighters together (shrieking/sobbing at the tv, bouncing and rolling on the bed, deathclinging to each other etc etc) :Dv am glad j put up with the days when i'm tired and unwilling to speak, aya tolerating us trolling her when she's trying to sleep, and dora drawing the clear divide between the crays and the sane in the room :p

catchphrase of the trip: MENDOU KUSAICollapse )